You know,  the author in "let us pray" doesn’t touch o­n why men have become passive. It is because we have become a litigious and paranoid society. Asking a woman out, let alone calling them can lead to “stalking” accusations. No, I’m not kidding.

And the water cooler? Forget meeting anybody at work, lest you lose your job. I used to have a 1 hour orientation from HR about “harassment” 10 years ago when starting a new job. That 1 hour has now transformed into a half of day.  A half of a day! You can’t pat anybody o­n the back for an “attaboy” let alone ask them if they have boyfriend. What started off with a lecture about “…not patting the girls o­n the rear” has now turned into paranoia about touching or saying anything to anybody about everything. Some might think that I'm stretching the truth a little. Read further.

Kerry Ellison worked as a revenue agent for the IRS. Roughly two years after accepting her initial assignment, a married male co-worker asked her out to lunch. She accepted. Along the way, they stopped by his house to pick up lunch for his son. While there, he gave her a tour of the house. Nothing happened, but Ellison asserts that soon thereafter he began pestering her and, eventually, asked her out for drinks. Rather than coming right out and saying she wasn't interested, she "declined, but ... suggested that they have lunch the following week." (Ellison v. Brady, 924 Federal Reporter 2d Series, p 873)
The next week, however, she avoided or put him off whenever he approached. In response, he started giving her notes that led the court to observe that, "Analyzing the facts from the alleged harasser's viewpoint, (the defendant) could be portrayed as a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac wishing no more than to woo Ellison with his words." (Ellison v. Brady, 924 Federal Reporter 2d Series, p 880) The court acknowledged the defendant harbored no ill will toward Ellison and that he "even offered in his 'love letter' to leave her alone if she wished." (Ellison v. Brady, 924 Federal Reporter 2d Series, p 880) But his notes and letter shocked and frightened her, and when, after she complained, the agency's corrective measures proved insufficient to allay her fears, she filed suit. 

Married man, single girl and she files suit instead of....saying "NO". I don't blame the IRS for not doing anything. Heck, they most likely told her to stop accepting his invitations!
 
The solution? I figure we guys have to go back to 8th grade tactics and ask a guy friend who has a girl friend that knows the girl we want to meet. Then they can check the situation out and see if they “like” you. Then somebody can suggest a happy hour where we can accidentally meet and then have a chance to talk without offending her,  your friends, her friends or any person within listening range*.

*From the EEOC website: The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct.

So, you girls want a guy that likes the chase, the thrill of courting, calls you and leaves you notes about how great he thinks you are? -  Try not having the police standing in the corner ready to arrest him.

Beyond the banging drums and clashing symbols, Catholic men have a lot to gain from tapping into an authentic men's spirituality movement.

Tom McGrath

BEYOND THE BANGING DRUMS AND CLASHING SYMBOLS, Catholic men have a lot to gain from tapping into an authentic men's spirituality movement.

I was at my local big-chain bookstore o­ne Sunday and decided to check out their books o­n male spirituality. Having trouble locating that section, I asked the young, multiply pierced woman at the information counter, "Can you direct me to your books o­n men's spirituality?"

She snorted. "Books o­n men's spirituality? I've never heard of any. I know we don't have a section o­n that topic. Maybe you can look under war books. That's quite sizable."

"But you have quite a large section o­n women's spirituality,"I said. Half joking I added, "Is there some sort of discrimination going o­n here?"

She bristled. "Hey, you're talking to the wrong person about discrimination. I'm a feminist."

"Me, too," I replied. "I think the women's movement has been a great gift to society." Perhaps my voice rose; her colleague, an equally pierced young man, walked over. I pleaded, "But don't you think it would be good for men to take a look at what's going o­n inside them?"

To which her male colleague piped up, "Now that's a scary thought!"

I guess it is a scary thought to many.

At the end of the 1980s and early '90s many cultural observers were predicting explosive growth for the men's movement and--at the core of that movement--a resurgence of male spirituality.

Here and there an interested observer might find small but significant evidence of that movement. However, after a quick blossoming of "Iron John" gatherings and a few years of filled stadiums of the Promise Keepers movement, much of the buzz around the men's movement has quieted down. Many of these groups continue quietly, and with various degrees of effectiveness, to attract men. But the explosive growth is over, and their impact o­n society at large appears to have waned.

Looking around, it seems that men are distracted by many other pursuits than spirituality. Judging from the magazine racks, the new movement for young men, at least, is focused o­n beer,puerile sex, gadgets, or a combination thereof. But the main areas of devotion for men--and an increasing number of American women--are sports and business.

Sports provides the mythic power and totems that tribes have long relied o­n to make sense of the world and to provide a sense of connection and belonging. Capitalism and the American Dream of acquisition and continual upgrading of a whole list of possessions provide the ordering principle around which lives are built. Though wildly popular, this unholy duo makes for a disappointing and dangerous spiritual path.

What lies beneath
Spirituality is always a process of becoming more aware: of ourselves, of others, of creation, and of the Creator. A big part of the spiritual awakening process for men is to become aware of all those things we keep in shadow.

Robert Bly, author of Iron John (Vintage), the groundbreaking book that brought the secular men's movement to popular view, invites men to notice all the unacknowledged parts of ourselves--anger, grief, fear, tenderness perhaps--we keep in shadow. He says our largely unconscious attempts to hide elements of our own selves from ourselves is like stuffing these emotions into a bag and pretending they're not there. But we drag the bag behind us--heavier and heavier with each passing day. So men die early, commit suicide at a far greater rate than women, and act in ways that surprise ourselves. The energy that gets stuffed tends to come out in unplanned ways.

However, men and women alike are suspicious of all that lies beneath men's taciturn exteriors. That's not surprising considering the high incidence of violence, abuse, abandonment, and controlling that men have wrought. That which is denied retains immense , though unacknowledged, control in our lives. So men can feel stuck, disconnected, out of order. We cling desperately to the parts of our lives we feel comfortable in: work, sports, hobbies, staring at the television. Or we explode.

There are two spiritual approaches to this dilemma. o­ne is to rise above it. The other is to go through it. The first is the way of spiritual disciplines and sublimation. The other is through male initiation.
(read more...)